“You know what will make me really happy?” My mom said as she stared at me while I avoided her eye contact. “I would be really happy if you get married and have kids.”
I gazed back at my mother with an annoyed expression on my face. It wasn’t the first time she said such things to me. In fact, I have heard it dozens of times.
“You should give Amy a call. She’s a great girl. I don’t understand why you don’t talk to her more. Your uncles, aunts, dad, and I are all cheering for you.”
“Mom…” I sighed. “There’s nothing to talk about. I hardly ever talk to any one of my close friends. I don’t even talk to my cousins like Simon. Heck, I barely even talk to you on the phone.”
“Why don’t you then? You don’t have to talk on the phone. Message her. Use social media like how all you young kids do all the time.” My mom lectured me.
“The reason you don’t feel anything towards her is because you refuse to communicate with her. Just because we introduced a family friend’s daughter to you, doesn’t mean we are forcing you into a relationship. You can talk to her and get to know her. Become friends with her. Go out and have fun together.” My mom harangued while giving instructions like she knew exactly what she was doing.
“You are not young anymore. In life, everyone grows up, gets married, and has kids. This is a natural process. Everybody goes through it, why do you resist it?”
I listened to my mother quietly and discouragingly. I don’t want to argue with my mom, so I nodded and agreed with everything she said. She is right. There is truth in what she said, but I couldn’t accept her answers.
I sat there on the bed half absentminded and half paying attention to my mom. There is lingering doubt and fear within me. What she said made sense. I really wanted to agree with her, but past memories kept resurfacing in my mind. They were experiences that left a deep wound in my heart. Continue reading