I cry a lot. Is it weird that I find it therapeutic to cry? If emotions get too intense because of high expectations, I cry.
When I cry, most of the time it is over a woman. I am very lame, but I understand how the mechanics of the situation work.
Whatever you perceive as lacking in your life, it takes on an enormous scale of importance. Whatever you pay attention to the most, it takes on a life of its own.
In every way what I am doing is compulsive. I keep projecting my expectations and needs on someone else. I keep making these fake love scenarios that overpower my mind and emotions.
I mean I am in that love infatuation state again. When I am in this state, I don’t see things clearly. I can’t even maintain the feeling of ease within me. There’s just so much desire. So much want.
I never confessed my feelings to anyone before. Because I spend over a decade of time obsessing over someone who I don’t know, I created so much nonsense within me. The same nonsense I created gained so much momentum throughout the years. Continue reading