“Me and Luigi, we connect heart to heart! Isn’t that right, Luigi?” Flo, a beautiful Latina friend of mine, asked me that question cheerily.
Without turning my head towards her direction, my mind raced with thoughts of sarcasm and denial.
“No we don’t.” I haughtily replied back while my forehead muscles tightened, creating a perplexed facial expression. “We don’t connect heart to heart.”
Surprised by my hurtful response, Flo cried out. “You’re an asshole, Luigi!”
“How am I an asshole for stating the truth? I don’t feel the connection or the closeness of heart.” I thought silently to myself.
That moment was just as simple as that, a short conversation between friends. But there was something special and haunting about her message. Those few words kept resurfacing and echoing in the deep subconscious part of my mind.
“We connect heart to heart, don’t we?” I hear her words repeating over and over again like a broken record in my head.
“What does it mean to connect heart to heart with someone?” I asked myself desperately. “Have I ever allowed myself to connect heart to heart with someone before?”
I’m afraid the answer is No. I have never connected heart to heart with another person before. In fact, I have always lived with a closed heart.
Understanding My Heart
For as long as I remembered, I have always been a lonely person. I have never developed a deep sense of connection with any one of my family members. My parents never understood my personal desires, dreams, hobbies, and goals. I remembered some days in my childhood when I would cry and be depressed over my parents. They would claim that they knew what was best for me, yet they knew nothing about my heart. We never shared our emotional and spiritual state of being with one another. We never gazed deeply into each other’s hearts to understand what motivates us, what makes us happy, or what gives our lives meaning.
I grew up associating my emotional and spiritual state of being as a forbidden aspect of my character. You can’t connect with anyone like this. It is way too much for you to handle. You are going way too deep into someone else’s personal space. I would think these thoughts to myself all the time. My heart yearned for deep connections, but I kept making excuses to justify my own weakness in being afraid to share my own heart.
I have always believed in the misconception that connecting from the heart is a sign of neediness and weakness. If I get too attached to my emotional state, I will open up the most vulnerable parts of my heart. People will see the naked side of me. They will judge me. They will berate me. I am too scared to do that.
It is much safer to live my life in anonymity, shrouding my heart with an invisible barrier. It is much easier to live everyday where I share the business of life with others, instead of working towards a harmonious and growing relationship with others. That is all true, but I will always live with the lingering doubt that I had denied myself a greater chance at loving and connecting with others. There will always be this curiosity of what would have been, but never was.
I know that my childhood has created a barrier around my heart, but I will no longer self perpetuate it into further seclusion. I will act upon my heart’s desires for deeper connections and take responsibility for my own future. If your situation sounds similar to mine, I hope that you will take the chance to learn how to open up your heart as I will learn to open up my heart.
Learning to Open Up Our Hearts
Connecting heart to heart with another person is without a doubt a permission you have to give yourself. I have to give myself permission to open up my own heart and share it with others. You have to give yourself permission to open up your heart to others.
You can’t expect others to open up to you, if you don’t open up yourself to others. It’s as simple as that. You must give before you get.
I have always desired for deeper connections, but at the same time, I have been unwilling to expose a part of myself to others. Each step of the way, I have been fighting against an “effect”, but at the same time I was preserving its “cause”. I wanted to connect heart to heart with others, but my thoughts and actions was in reverse of what I wanted. How does sheltering my thoughts and feelings from others help me connect with them? The truth is, it doesn’t. I only made my situation worse by denying myself further. I created the limiting belief that I don’t have the capacity to connect with others heart to heart. As a result, my thoughts became a part of my reality.
What I learned is this:
I have to make myself vulnerable in front of others by sharing truths about myself. It doesn’t matter if the other person will respond as I desired. I am courageously and unconditionally giving the other person the chance to accept me first.
If you yearn for deeper connections like me, you will learn well just to understand the part where you give yourself. Doing so is a generous act because you allow the other person to feel accepted by you. You are telling them that you trust them. You are telling them that you are capable of giving them your heart. In turn they may respond likewise. If they don’t, that is fine too. Just hold on to your good intentions and you will attract those who will surely want to share their hearts. Maybe you are afraid like me. Afraid that other people will take advantage of your heart. But know this:
We don’t attract what we want, we attract what we are.
I always wanted to connect with others heart to heart, but I was never the kind of person with an open heart. I learned that if I want to connect from the heart with others, I must first become someone with an open heart. If I speak the language of the heart, I will attract others who speak the same language. It will take a courageous act on my part to overcome the barrier I have set for myself. Some people will deny my invitations to connect heart to heart with them. However, these are decisions I have to make. You will have to make these decisions, if you want to deepen your connections with another person.
Emotional risk rewards emotional connectedness. Lack of emotional risk results in isolation of thoughts and feelings. It’s as simple as that. If you understand what I am talking about, then you must learn to initiate your desires. Reveal something that is deeply personal. Reveal those thoughts and feelings that you want to share all this time. Prove to yourself, the world, and your partner that you are willing to take the risk to connect.
The goal here is to gradually shed away those limiting beliefs and self deceptive thoughts that are holding you hostage. Once you reach that point, you can ask absolutely any questions or engage in heartfelt personal expressions because you are so secure with yourself. What are those secrets that you always wanted to share? What are those desires you have forbid yourself from manifesting? Are you willing to share them despite how embarrassing or painful they are? Those are the questions you must ask yourself and I must ask myself.
I want to connect at a level where I hold no secrets, only honest truths. I want to be at a place where I can be totally naked with myself and others, not in a physical sense, but in an emotional and spiritual sense. I won’t have to lie anymore. I will always speak my mind. I will further align myself with the deeper principles of my being. That is what I want. I hope that is also what you want.
I give myself permission to connect heart to heart with others. Please give yourself permission to connect heart to heart with others. If you don’t, please know that you’ll always have my permission to do so.