I’ve always yearned for the unconditional and divine. Who doesn’t want their love and happiness to be unconditional? When no conditions are needed to love and to be happy, we can declare that our love and happiness are altruistic and genuine. There is no limit to them; therefore they are pure and divine.
For the longest period of time, I have searched for the boundless expression of love and happiness. I have always longed for love and happiness that needs no condition. But the more I sought after them, the more they elude my grasp.
This is because there is an enormous paradox in my desires. For example, the more I desire unconditional happiness, the more I realized my happiness is a product of conditions.
I think about having certain people in my life, the connections, the possessions, and the right circumstances. How can I want unconditional happiness if the happiness that I want has to meet certain conditions? Am I contradicting myself with what I want? I believe so.
When I say that I want to be happy in life regardless of what happens in my life or what I have, I don’t believe it. This is true because what really happens is that I picture or envision my happiness as a state to achieve, I think about meeting certain conditions.
On another hand, I want to be happy regardless of conditions. This means it doesn’t matter what happens on the outside, my inner state is always a pleasant one. I would always carry a sunny disposition within me no matter what the weather is outside.
You know throughout my life, I always believed that people who love conditionally are extremely selfish. It is never about the person they love. It is always about them. I am also in this category. I know nothing of loving someone else. The only thing I know is love’s effects on me while being in love.
Then I think about people who love unconditionally. I thought of these people as altruistic and genuine. I thought of this quality as a superhuman feat because I just don’t understand how it works. How do I access the unlimited love within me so that I can share it with the entire world, regardless if anyone would reciprocate? This is what I want to know.
Unconditional love and happiness doesn’t seem real to me. It seemed very farfetched because conditions always exist. Can you be loving if the person you love cheated on you? Can you still be happy if a family member was murdered? These are extreme examples, but these are the questions I think about.
When I think about unconditional love and happiness, I create different scenarios based upon conditions. I try to see if I can still be loving or happy under those conditions. And I found that it was impossible. I tried and tried to fit everything within the frameworks of my mind, but the idea was rejected.
It was not until a while ago that I realized I made a huge mistake. I have fragmented love and happiness into different parts. There is no such thing as unconditional or conditional love. There is no such thing as unconditional or conditional happiness. There is love. There is happiness. There are conditions.
When I was trying to figure out what is unconditional love and happiness, I separated love and happiness into different parts. I was saying that there is a conditional kind of happiness and an unconditional kind of happiness. I was also saying there is a conditional kind of love and an unconditional kind of love. What nonsense is this! Happiness is happiness, love is love. Why are there different kinds now?
Happiness and love have to be unconditional. The moment there is a condition, they become a transaction between people and circumstances. If the transactions are beneficial and convenient, we call this happiness and love. If the transactions fall short of expectations and comfort, we call this sadness and hate.
The fact that love can change into hate or that happiness can become sadness indicates that they are not what they are. If happiness is happiness, it doesn’t change into something else. The same goes for love.
Earlier when I was talking about unconditional love and happiness, I added many conditions to test out my hypothesis. I thought what I was doing was helpful, but all I did was adding layers upon layers of confusion. I made up imaginary scenes and circumstances and defined my conclusions through them.
I ended up creating more problems and issues.
The reason this happened is because I made love and happiness such a big deal in my life. I made them more of what they really are. If I simply have them, they would just be a normal part of my life, but I believed I didn’t.
This belief or sense of lack amplified my desires for happiness and love. It is that simple. For example, if you don’t have your health, the only thing you’ll be wishing for is your health. If you are truly happy, you wouldn’t make it a big deal. Worrying and problem-making are the miserable consequences of human nature.
If I truly want to know love and happiness, then it takes life. I need to invest myself.
Inner Qualities of Life
Love and happiness are qualities. They have nothing to do with somebody else. If they do, then you are just trying to fulfill certain needs. These needs may be physical, emotional, social, and others. All the actions that we ever take have to do with fulfilling them.
What you call love and happiness are nothing more than fulfilling needs for personal well-being, comfort, and convenience. You may say that you understood true love or unconditional happiness, but the moment your expectations are not fulfilled, everything falls apart. You become miserable and you hate the person of your affection. What people understand as love and happiness are nothing more than a mutually beneficial relationship with one another and situations.
It is like searching for utopia. You try to find perfection without, while ignoring everything within. And even if you found true love and happiness, you wouldn’t believe it for one moment.
Think about it for a minute. If you want to love and be happy regardless of situation, circumstance, or whatever, then they don’t need to abide by anything. You don’t need to accomplish this or that. You don’t need to have this or that. You just have to be one with this very moment.
That is the closest you can get to ‘unconditional’ love and happiness. If they are unconditional, then they don’t need to meet any conditions. If no conditions are needed, then at this very moment you can be loving and happy.
Love and happiness are inner states. Our actions are dictated by external circumstances and rules. There are limitations to what we can and cannot do. But since love and happiness are qualities, they can definitely be unconditional because we control everything within ourselves.
Love is never between two people. Happiness is never the result of your surroundings. They are the results of what happens within you. If you choose to love and be happy, everything in the world, simple or profound, becomes beautiful in your experience.